Kidnapped by Turibus

I´d heard all of these horror stories about Mexico City. One of my Chinese students said they kidnap Chinese people. And my Lonely Planet warned me about taking taxis because people get robbed in them. But I never thought I would experience any trouble on the Turibus.

Turibus is this double decker bus that runs along major routes and past different touristic sites. I took it the first Sunday I was here after I went to the antropology museum that was mysteriously with out lights. It was a great way for me to see the city without having to walk too much or worry about taxis or subways. But I only did one half of the ride, so today I decided I would do the other half that goes through the posh neighborhood of Polanco, through Chapultepec park and to the trendy Condessa. I planned to get off at Chapultepec to visit the castle, and head to the Condessa and grab a bite to eat and then possibly take the bus to the centro historico at night to see what the city looked like at night.

Well, all good plans...what do they say?

It all started off well. I picked up the Turibus on Paseo de la Reforma, not far from where I´m staying. It was a beautiful day and I sat on the upper deck enjoying the relatively fresh air and the beautiful sunshine and perfect temperatures. We went up Reforma past the anthropology museum and through Polanco, which was very ritzy but not inviting enough for me to get off the bus. Oh, important thing to insert here - Turibus is cool because you buy a ticket and it is good for the whole day and you can get on and off at any stop.

We went through Chapultepec Woods and saw lots of different fountains, an amusement park, some lakes, and a few museums and things. We arrived at the stop for Chapultepec Castle, and I got off. I follwed the crowds through an assortment of vendors selling all kinds of different things from wrestling masks to sandals to fried pork rinds. As I was walking, I thought ¨this is a zoo¨. Well, turns out it was. I had somehow missed the turn to go up to the castle and instead ended up heading to the entrance to the zoo. I didn´t enter, but instead went to the anthropology museum, which was just terrific (it deserved its own post).

After the museum, I went back to the stop in front of the museum, deciding that I would get off in Polanco and explore a little and then head to Condessa.

I waited over an hour for the stupid bus. The most irritating thing was that there was a bus stop there and as buses do, they would stop and let people get on and off, but the drivers behind the bus apparently didn´t think that was a good idea, so for an hour I had to sit and listen to these idiot blow their horns.

Finally, Turibus arrived, and it was full. But there was another one behind it. That one was full on top, so I sat in the lower deck, which is not as much fun, but I wasn´t going far. Turns out I COULD have walked to where I was going.

Polanco was a rich part of town, but not my cup of tea. I walked around a bit, got some gelato which was not that good and headed back to Reforma where I knew there was stop for the Turibus in front of the National Auditorium - a sort of concert hall.

I saw two Turibuses there and ran to catch them. There were long lines for both. I stood in one line but realized it was going to the pyramids at Teotihuacan, so I moved to the other line which was boarding. There were two groups of people - one group boarding and one group standing there waiting. I joined the boarding group because that was what I wanted to do.

It was a little strange. The guy checking tickets tore the little headphone portion of my ticket off - it was a symbol with headphones - I don´t know why he did that, but I soon noticed that there were no jacks for my headphones. As you ride the Turibus you can hear recorded descriptions of the places you are passing, and in between they play this lovely latin muzak. Corny as it sounds it is really a very relaxing way to spend a day.

Well, with no jack for headphones the guy who collected the tickets was the recording. He read from the same script and told us what we were seeing. It was in Spanish, whereas with the recordings you can choose Spanish, English, French, Italian, German or Japanese. I enjoyed hearing the Spanish since I had already done this part of the tour.

We passed the Chapultepec Castle stop but didn´t stop. I thought it was because the gate was closed and therefore the Castle was closed. When we got to Condessa I could see that we were approaching the stop. I went down to the lower deck and the guy was reading from the script so I didn´t want to interrupt him. We passed the stop and didn´t stop.

So, then I asked,¨are there no stops?¨ - to my dismay he said yes.

I told him I wanted to get off.

He asked me if anyone had told me that this bus didn´t make stops.

I told him no.

He told me this bus didn´t make any stops.

I told him no one had told me and I wanted to get off. I told him when I got my ticket it said I could get on and off all day.

This was all good practice for my Spanish.

He told me that there were no stops but that they would make an exception and let me off at the next stop.

I told him I wanted to get off at the last stop, which was Condessa. I knew the next stop, it is where I was yesterday when I tried to find Condessa on my own and couldn´t figure out how to get there. I wanted to just be able to sit at one of the nice looking sidewalk cafes in Condessa and not have to walk from the next stop.

He told me to sit down and wait and read from his script.

He stopped reading and I said ¨it´s far¨.

He told me we could not stop at an unauthorized stop.

I told him that when I told him I wanted to get off it was an authorized stop.

He told me that this bus didn´t make stops.

I thought about just kicking the door open.

Finally they stopped and opened the door. It was not the authorized stop, but it was near it. I was furious. He lied to me. He told me he couldn´t just stop anywhere, but that is exactly what they did. I then had to walk about 15 minutes to get back to where I wanted to get off originally. I was so furious that I didn´t enjoy myself. I also wasn´t sure where the stop was since they didn´t let me off at it and it wasn´t obvious after I walked back there in a rage.

Well, things eventually worked out. I stopped and had some tacos, I found the stop, got on the next bus and rode to the Centro Historico which was quite a disappoitnment at night. Other than some Christmas lights that were lit up in the Zocalo, the rest of the city was in dire need of a lighting designer. Even the beautiful palace of Belles Artes which is magnificent during the day, was terribly lit.

Ok, so I wasn´t really kidnapped, but I was sort of held hostage by this officious Turibus ticket collector who wanted to play games because no one had told me that the bus I boarded didn´t make stops. Turibus riders - beware. I´m writing to Lonely Planet so they can include this in their next edition - under ¨Dangers and Annoyances¨!